Wish me luck

I have exciting, and terrifying news. I have a phone appointment tomorrow with an acquisitions editor from an independent publishing house tomorrow. I won the appointment in a lottery held by that publishing company as part of an online mystery convention they're hosting, also tomorrow.

I'm excited, especially because she concluded her e-mail to me with the fact that she's looking forward to reading more. But I'm also terrified because I know all the weaknesses my book has and it's going to be hard to hear it from someone else.

But you know what scares me the most? If this editor really does like the idea, and likes the writing she read in the first 13 pages I sent her, she will want to read more, and eventually will want to read the finished (and polished) manuscript. That means I actually have to write the book!

Well, duh, you're saying. Of course I have to write the book, and yes I've slowly been doing so since last January. But really I'm not taking it all as seriously as I should be. In fact, I should be working on my next chapter right now -- not writing an entry for my blog!

I always find ways to procrastinate. I get easily discouraged when the words don't come easily or the flaws in my writing are glaring back at me from the page. I'm quick to close MS Word and find something else to do.

But if this editor tells me she wants more, I can no longer make excuses and quite frankly that scares the you know what out of me!

Of course I want her to want more. I want her to like it so much she wants to read the finished product as soon as I can get it done. But at the same time, I don't know how I can actually get it done. I think in such short terms. My goal is always to get the next chapter done, forget about the whole book!

When I think about actually writing the whole book, then going back and editing it and re-writing it, I can feel my heart start to pound. It's overwhelming.

It's funny because when I work as a writer for a publication, while deadlines do stress me out, they also get my juices flowing. I sometimes think I write some of my best stuff when I'm under deadline. Partly because those pieces are leaner (something all good writing should be). Of course, the pieces I've written under deadline in the past have never been more than a couple thousand words -- not 100,000 words!

It'll be interesting tomorrow. To find out what she likes about the book (I'm assuming she'll find something to like) and what she doesn't like (I KNOW there'll be stuff she's not into). It'll also be interesting to see how I react, to her criticism and to what she wants, especially if that includes a finished book!

It's scary. It's exciting. Wish me luck!