Writing Body Language

I've been taking a super intensive online class about body language, or non-verbal communication (NVC). It's specifically for writer's and is about how to use NVC in my writing.

It's taught by a woman named Mary Buckham (www.MaryBuckham.com), who is an amazing teacher and I can only imagine must be an amazing writer. When she makes suggestions on how to change things, I'm awed by her skill.

NVC when added to writing changes the depth of the writing dramatically. One of my first writing assignments was to try and show disbelief using body language.

This was what I wrote:

"I didn't touch your computer," I said and immediately had to lean away from Bob lest I smack him. Not only because it pissed me off that he didn't believe me but I've never been able to lift just one eyebrow.

What do you think?

As it turns out I missed the mark. And here's why:

[from Mary's feedback] "What you'redoing here is, instead of letting the movement of the eyebrow itself give the non-verbal message or body language you are using her thoughts only. Thoughts can be used in conjunction with a body movement to clarify the message but the brow needs to be in action and not simply referenced. Make sense?"

Totally makes sense. I didn't actually use any body movement (other than her leaning away) in the above passage. Hmm, body language is harder than I thought.

Here's my second attempt:

He cocked one bushy eyebrow in my direction. God, one of these days I was going to pluck the smugness out of those things.
"Really, I didn't touch your computer."
I tried to keep my eyes wide, lifting my shoulder up for emphasis. I hoped he didn't notice the tell-tale fluttering in my throat's pulse.

Better?

Here was Mary's response:
"Major improvement here. See what you've done :-) You've shown the reader his reaction to the subject at hand through his body language then gave her internal reaction to clarify for the reader exactly what the brow movement meant - so you have communication, not only emotion but conflict and tenseness between these two without simply saying 'He was frustrating her'."

Success!

Let me tell you this class has been a real eye-opener!