Intimidation

Today I opened up Word to start working on my novel. I pulled out my outline and began writing. After about three-quarters of the page, I had to flip the page of my outline.

My writing stopped.

I am on the last page of my outline.

I have not only reached the final homestretch, a daunting enough thought by itself, I have reached the most critical moments in the story -- both emotionally and in terms of action.

And suddenly I'm terrified.

It's all well and good to muddle my way through the earlier parts of the book, setting the stage, planting clues, having Abi chase after those same clues, but there's no muddling when it comes to emotional intensity and a high-intensity climax. And suddenly, I'm not sure I'm up to it.

I mean I'm just not sure I know how to do emotional intensity without getting all maudlin. Or without using too many words.

I know, I know. For my first draft I'm not supposed to let these thoughts bother me and just write whatever comes and then fix it later. But come one! This is scary stuff.

This is it. This is the crux of the story. This is the endgame, the money shot, the reason d'etre. If I can't make this part of the story work, the entire story fails!

And yet at the same time, I look at my outline and I see how far I've come and how little I have to go to have completed my first ever full novel. Who cares that its a first draft and could be a piece of crap and may never turn into anything else. I have never before finished an entire novel, never. I've never even managed to finish a short story. And now I'm just 50 pages or less away from a complete novel. How cool is that!

So I'm taking a deep breath, letting all these crazy thoughts go, and going back to my Word doc.

Here goes nothing... and everything.